Journal of a Forsaken Warlock

I was recently given a ten day free trial for World of Warcraft. I decided to play a Forsaken Warlock for the sake of amusement. After playing for two days I died for the first time, and the general oddness of the Wow Game Over system inspired me to write this little ditty based, rather loosely, on my adventures. Enjoy.

(Material based off of World of Warcraft video game copyright Blizzard. This is written for fun and parody, not profit is being made)

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Journal of a Forsaken Warlock Part 1;

July 15th;

I am excited. Today the local apothecary in service to the Lady asked me to assist him in a project. He claims that he can engineer a plague that will remove both humans and the Scourge from our lands. Finally, the Lady will have her triumph and we shall be free to live… err… die… err… be!

The apothecary has asked me to get him Murloc scales. He believes it shall be a key component in this plague. I have no idea how the scales of fish men will add to the engineering of a protein based pseudo-life-form which sustains itself by taking over and consuming the cells of other life forms, but what do I know? He is the apothecary after all!

I am currently sitting in the wilderness as I write this. My imp (who I have decided to name Chucky) has stolen the town innkeeper’s underwear. As such we are not allowed in the inn at present. Hopefully this is only a temporary situation.

July 16th(?);

I do not know where I am.

I came upon the coast and the Murloc colony late in the evening. I managed to corner one at the cliffs and kill it for its scales. All for the glory of the Lady. I am not sure what exactly happened next, but my last lucid memory was of a green Murloc straddling my chest while twisting a crooked coral knife into my right eye. I believe a second one was using a quarter-staff too grind my testes into my diaphragm. I am not sure wether it was the second Murloc, or a third, that began to electrocute me. I blacked out. When I woke up, I was here.
This place is a strange world of gray. I woke to find myself in what appears to be the Brill cemetery. This place is strange. I can  walk through tombstones, and yet not walls, fences, or trees. There is a strange woman here with me. She says she can bring me back to life right now (am I really dead?), but she would have to break my armor to do so. I think she has some sort of fetish. She also told me that if I can find my body that I can do it myself. I decided that that would be the best course of action. I plan to set out as soon as I… I guess as soon as I finish writing.

(Chucky is here with me. For some reason he still has the inn keeper’s underwear.)

July 17th;

I am lost. I tried going back to the spot where I think I died, but couldn’t find it. I think the Murlocs may have taken my body. Perhaps to an island. I found that I can now walk on water. I think I will attempt to walk off the coast to see if I can find it. If I don’t go to far, I shouldn’t get lost. Chucky seems to have grown irritable. It seems this place lacks any small animals which he can torment. He’ll just have to get over it until I manage to find my body.

July 19th;

For two days it seems I have walked across the ocean beyond the coast. When I found nothing I went out farther and farther. Now I’ve lost sight of the coast. I think I know which way it is. Chucky has found he can torment the phantom sharks that swim below us. Its good that he remains entertained. Perhaps the Murlocs didn’t move my body, or if they did, it was somewhere other than an island hideout. When I find the coast I think I’ll go over it again more thoroughly.

July ?;

Time has lost all meaning in this place. For days on end I have walked without sight of land. All there is to see is the endless expanse of the sea! I think that may be poetic. I do not know. I stopped for a rest some minutes back and Chucky attempted to strangle me with the inn keeper’s lingerie. This is the twelfth time he has tried. I do not think he can succeed, but I worry. He has grown bored with tormenting the spirits of dolphins, sharks, whales, fish, crabs, sea dragons, and other assorted aquatic behemoths. I worry that our relationship may become strained if he does not gain some way to entertain himself soon, or if I do not see land before long. I know if I keep walking in one direction I will either come across some land or the maelstrom. From there I will know which way to go.

But how much longer must I walk?

July?;

Chucky ran away this morning. I tried to lay down for a rest, but I was awakened when he attempted to slit my throat with my own knife. When I didn’t die, he ran shrieking over the waves and into infinity. I am worried now. I am alone. I am lost. I have no hope. Will I be doomed by the gods to wander this gray hell forever? What have I done in life or unlife to deserve this torment? I feel as if I should scream or cry, but I know it will do no good. So now I walk. Endlessly and forever. I walk.

Gods help me.

July?;

Good news! Chucky has returned to me! After going off a tormenting a ship in the real(?) world into crashing into a reef and drowning, he was in a much better mood. He even apologized for trying to kill me so often.
What is even better is that as we walked along I spotted what looked like land on the horizon!
I have never been happier or more fortunate in my life.

July?;

Oh gods… I do not know what we have done… We came upon the island, the island with the strange buildings… I swear we didn’t mean to wake it up! It is so large… we tried to run… tried to run so fast… I think it got Chucky… I can still hear him scream even now… Oh gods, now I know you have sent me to hell, but for what reason I will never know! …I can hear it coming now… Oh gods the very fabric of reality itself quakes as that horrible thing moves… I am crying now… what have I done… what have I-

????;

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!!!!! All hail lord Yog-Sothoth!!! Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li! MweHehEhehAHahAhahaHehAhaHaha!!!!!

?;

I appear to have awakened in the graveyard at Brill again. Chucky is here with me. I cannot remember what happened after we reached the island. There is one lone message, and for about the next forty pages is what appears to be a mix gibberish and vaguely familiar magical symbols and pictographs. I do not know what they mean, but when I look at them I feel a small shudder of fear deep in my heart. I am about to set out to find my body again. The strange glowing fetish woman is still here. I still do not trust her. I have decided to attempt to find my body again. I will not leave shore for any reason.

?;

Found body. Was exactly where I had left it. Will attempt resurrection now.

July 15th(?);

Am now once again at Brill Graveyard. Resurrected to find three Murlocs sexually violating my dead body. Murlocs proceeded to do the same to living body. I think I may attempt to now bargain with the glowing fetish woman. Chucky is happy. Hopefully I will soon be able to finish collecting… those… scales…
I do hope the Lady appreciates my hard work.

~ by Michael on July 21, 2008.